Low sex drive: recharge your body first.

For a few months now you've got into bed wanting nothing but sleep. Low sex drive crept up on you like that. No rows, just an urge that stopped turning up. And you wonder whether it's your age or your relationship.

Men and women I work with bring it up, nearly always while talking about tiredness, their waistline or sleep. Often the answer is right there. When your body is running on empty, desire is one of the first things it cuts.

How to spot it, in men and women

• You're rarely in the mood. You think about it less and barely miss it.
• Your energy is down across the board. For training and going out too.
• You sleep badly, or too little. You wake up already tired.
• Your body has changed. A bigger waist, or weight lost fast on a strict diet.

Why has my sex drive dropped?

Often because your body is short of sleep, under pressure or badly fed, so it spends its energy elsewhere. The hormones behind desire respond to how you live.

Stress turns the signal down. When tension is high and drags on, the brain can weaken the signal telling the testicles and ovaries to make their hormones. In an emergency, reproduction can wait.

Short nights. Low sex drive in men can start here, because much of a man's testosterone is released overnight. Women have roughly twenty times less, but it still matters for their energy and desire.

Your waistline, alcohol, sweet things. Body fat contains an enzyme that turns testosterone into oestrogen, and alcohol makes it work harder, in men and women alike. Too many sweet things also tend to lower the hormones behind desire.

Age, in different ways. Low libido in women often shows in the years before the menopause. In men the change is usually slower and doesn't affect everyone. Loss of libido after 50 is only partly down to age. Lifestyle counts for a lot.

Where to start

Get your hours in. Seven or eight, with the alarm at the same time at weekends too. In the morning, ten minutes of daylight within an hour of waking, so sleep tends to come sooner at night.

Train for strength, without overdoing it. Two sessions a week, with recovery in between. Around the menopause it's the training with the most evidence behind it. Long hours of running or cycling, and sessions that leave you flattened, tend to use up those same hormones.

Eat enough. The mistake I see most is the opposite: eating less and running more to get back in shape. The body reads it as a shortage. You need protein at every meal and good fats, because sex hormones are built from cholesterol: eggs, fish, olive oil. Keep alcohol for occasions.

Make room for touch. As soon as you're home, a few minutes close to the person you love, with no agenda. A long hug, a hand on their back. Affectionate touch can raise oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which helps lower cortisol and supports desire.

Desire often tells you how your body is doing. If you have a partner, talk to them about it too.